HAHAHAHA.

Today, we had quite a fun, lighthearted topic for conversation leading: Your ideal first date.
Of course, we proceeded in discussing date-related things after that.

Anyway, let me introduce you to Tom.
Tom is quite the character.
He is very jolly, has animated facial expressions, and dynamic tone when he speaks.
He is tall, not huge, but decently big.

So he shared about his ideal first date.
From beginning to end, all he could talk about was...




BUFFETS! and every time he mentioned "buffet"
his face would light up.
and you would witness a beaming smile emerge.
and i mean. a BEAMING smile.

HAHAHAHA.
and my immediate thought.
OMG! A MALE REPLICA OF MYSELF!

our group also shared about popular date-places in our respective countries. while others mentioned Disneyland, shopping malls, and you know, the other usuals, he talked about a semi-museum-esque "palace" where kings used to live. and another member of our group decided to poke fun at him about his buffet obsession, and said, "no buffet?" Tom paused, and added, THEN the buffet! (but we all know, it's his own "popular" date location and preference, no? hahaha :D) i guess you had to be hear to hear him, to see his face, for it to be funny. but i, personally, thought it was so funny i had to try real hard walking out of the classroom to not smile and laugh to myself, lest i receive strange looks from strangers all around campus...

OH, one thing worthy of attention is this... Another member asked, "wouldn't you want to be a little more reserved on your first date? maybe a little more shy?" but Tom seemed to have no problem with this and said, "you can know a lot by observing someone eat. i can perhaps know 95% of the girl after observing her eat..." now in my head, i felt quite exposed. Why? well you know, i was, as usual, starving after class, and decided to treat myself to some Santorini fries, in which I was trying to shove down quickly before class started. And guess who the first person i saw was? TOM. outside of class before it had started. HAAAAA. lovely.

so. what kind of information do people gather about my semi-messy eating? mmmmms. o.O

i didn't think it would be so hard to find a picture of me with my "did someone say buffet" shirt. ohwell. i should wear it to class next time. HA!

Hello.

Wow. it has been a ridiculously long time since I've last posted. Ahknow, cliche, but undoubtedly true. Many, many, many things have happened since I've last posted. In fact, so much I probably do not even recall most of it. Even Daniel Wu (my initial inspiration to re-explore the public blogging domain) is a married man now! Congrats to him and Lisa S - gorgeous, down to earth lady. Based off of my superficial understanding of them both, aka movies, media coverage and through their own writings, I must say... superrr cuuteee match! Anyways, I digress. Yes, busy am I. Hence the temporal disappearance. It is okeys. You don't need to hear about my life in such detail anyway. If you really want to, TALK to me and get off this blog :)

After much searching and applying, I have finally obtained a job at school, though I can barely consider it a job. For one, I, for now, only "work" around 2 hours a week, and two, it is just too enjoyable :) If my future full time job or career is something I can look forward to every day, oh what an awesome thing that would be!!! Many people I know have actually been involved in this - conversation leading - for a long time. Who knows why I've waited this long to actually apply?! Regardless, I am truly enjoying it. It has reconnected me with the rest of the world, and has finally taken me out of my super Asian bubble without me even leaving California! RIGHT HERE in my own backyard! :) how cool is that?

I have come to appreciate my confused, in-between cultural background, but it took years, and my interest in other cultures, languages etc. have accentuated throughout the years. I am extremely thankful for this opportunity to be a conversation leader. God continuously places opportunities in my life that are out of my comfort zone, challenging, but I really can't ask for better! It has opened my eyes to different cultures, perspectives, and people in general. It has taught me to love the lost and to see the world with His eyes. Pray that I will continue to do so and grow in this area. I only have about half the quarter left with these students - VERY SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. ):

nothing too deep.
nothing I can express fully in words.
but very exciting nonetheless!

Perhaps,
I should pursue a job or career where I can interact lots with international students, people......... mmms.

Interesting sites.

Hello. Just thought I'd share a site or two that I think are interesting.

Visual Complexity
my ICAM senior project collaborator introduced me to this site. it is all about the visualization of data.
Here is one project done on human trafficking - a topic missions ministry is focusing on this quarter, and also a topic Uyen and I chose to do our project on. You can ask me about the project, by the end of the quarter. By then, it will be a fully developed proposal with prototypes and we shall be ready to build the project in the sequence to this course next quarter!





Here is an excerpt from the project description:
"The idea of the poster is that the closer the viewer gets to it, more detailed information is revealed, such as numbers of children of a specific country being involved in prostitution or child labor, or other information."

you can take a look at the project description yourself, which I highly encourage by the way, because these images do not do it justice in terms of the details of the project.

So that is that.
and here is another.

Obviously, I have been inexplicably excited for the World Expo, 2010 in Shanghai! For one, i love different cultures, languages, cuisine, you name it. secondly, i haven't been back to Shanghai since I left in 8th grade. sad times! Anyways, I was browsing through the World Expo site, yet again, and stumbled across the architectural mark ups for the various Pavilions! SUPER AWESOME. Initially I thought they were just having some GIANT booths for each participant, but even in my wildest dreams... I did not expect specific designs dedicated to each country's / corporation's pavilion!

The China one looks like half our Geisel Library or something.
I don't know why this image is so small. I didn't do it on purpose ):



A few of my favorites thus far:


This is Mexico's! Not your traditionally looking structure either!


Israel's! I don't quite understand the significance though ):
Not knowledgeable in Israeli culture.


Artist rendition of Cisco's pavilion. Digging the lights.
LOVE city lights! BUT. sad, not-sure-if-worth-it trade off for the beautiful night sky ):

This past week, I found out that my middle school friend, who now attends USC, got a position as a customer relations person (and someone who will be helping the organizers) in the American Pavilion and will be working there for the duration of the Expo! HOW FRIGGIN COOL IS THAT. and. he said he could give me a tour when i go :) woohoo!

Dang. how did it become. almost. 10pm. need to get my butt back to work! adios amigos.

Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ

and that is how the apostle Paul, for the most part, greeted those he addressed in the NT.
This past week I experienced abounding Grace and inexplicable peace from the Lord.

Somehow technology and I repel each other at times. only at times. but when those times do come, they are quite disastrous. I've left my cellphone in my pants-pocket in the washer before...and needless to say, poor cellular hit the grave. In the middle of my second year of college, my dear lap top's hard drive failed on me out of nowhere and left me with no farewells to half of my music and photos. This past Saturday, I left my lap top out (different from the one that experienced hard drive failure) while I attended a meeting. Upon my return, what I thought was a dead battery, turned out to be some corrupted index of sort, as Kenny Chin identified sunday night / early monday morning. Either way, I could not start it up even after a gajillion tries - yay. panic panic! Then of course, a flood of "oh crap, missions ministry meeting notes and reflections time line are on my computer... um, senior project proposal is due within the day...oh no vis141a project update due wed... oh freak cogs midterm on thurs... all my notes... no i cannot pay for another lap top... NO!" and the list goes on. you get the idea. Thankfully, Lynn gave me the brilliant idea of asking Kenny to take a look at my almost-lifeless lap top. So I did.

To make a long story short, he graciously lent me his net book (which by the way, looked INCREDIBLY small on my desk compared to my, as others have commented, "as big as me" lap top) for the weekend. After a roller coaster of possibilities, zee comp went from kind of dead, to a possibility of being quite dead and i would just need to get a new one, to it coming back to life - with a bunch of corrupted office files, malfunctioning NetBeans (a programming platform i needed for class) etc etc.

This technological mess definitely brought great inconveniences to my week, and I found myself continually apologizing for bothering kenny so much. In fact, did I mention how he just repaired the laptop and fixed the corrupted files while I was in small groups earlier? However, amidst the hectic schedule, greeeeat inconvenience for my school work (like 2hrs wasted trying to figure out what was wrong with netbeans when I could have studied, or slept), and inconvenience for others, God was gracious in constantly reminding me to not let circumstances dictate my stress level and emotions. SO, it was i guess a "bad week", but it didn't "feel" so bad in the end :) WHY? because His Grace is sufficient & His peace transcends all understanding.

now to catch up with my work this weekend :] and sleep :D

i shall leave you with yet another 王力宏 piece :)
I must admit, it is a bit strange and i suppose cliche at times.
and he's not necessarily the best rapper in the world.
but i am definitely sporting the food incorporation HA. of course.
and you have to admit, it is a creative piece.
I shall give you some background.

this Yi Jian Ni Jiu Xiao 一見你就笑 is a modern remix of Deng Li Jun's old classic, and this new version of the song is specially made for Taipei's "theme song" (smiling power) for the World Expo, 2010 in Shanghai. If you still don't know what it is, get on with the program!!! it is a huge world wide event!!
So, moving on. Deng Li Jun (鄧麗君) was a famous taiwanese singer back in the day - she is now dead fyi. if you are even slightly connected with your chinese roots, you may have heard of songs such as Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xin (月亮代表我的心). i'm tellin you. it's OLD SCHOOL. like. my parents & GRANDPARENTS know of her and listen to her kind of old :) anyhow. she is undoubtedly a Taiwanese icon so what better representation than the incorporation of both the old and the new icons (aka WLH for the win!) of Taiwan along with the old and new style of music?


he pretty much did a 穿越時空 duet with her, meaning a duet that surpasses the limits of time. because she obviously cannot physically be there to collaborate with him :) Back in the day, music was recorded differently, records were produced differently, the tracks weren't always clean-cut and separated, so it actually required a lot of technology to extract her parts of the Chorus out. not to mention the need to speed it up as well! kind of crazy huh? much different than having some girl do a cover of the song. it is the authentic 鄧麗君 vocals. pretty awesome huh? i suppose these reasons alone allow me to overlook the actual piece. it is not bad though :) though you may think otherwise. hehe.

on a side note. why is their "I love taipei sign" the same as the L for looser sign HAHA. awesome...

the weather is WACKED.

2 storms. 2 more to come. and an ex.Tornado warning in San Diego? WHAT is going on here?! California has earthquakes, not tornadoes. come to think of it, we're right off the coast too. mm. Tsunamis! It is such a relief to know that we would have absolutely no where to hide if a tornado does decide to eat us up. Californian architectures have no BASEMENTS! woopee.

the wind was quite crazy today, instead of flipping my LARGE umbrella inside out, i almost thought it would force it to close in my face and break the extensions in the process. Because I tried to block the wind & rain with it (more so with the intent of not having a big blue umbrella embarrassingly flip inside out in public), I could not see a thing and almost got ran over by a car driving who-knows-why-so-fast at the Peterson loop, and in the mean time also worrying about logs and branches falling on my head without warning.

I seriously need some rain boots. All thanks to my hole-y shoes, Anna graciously lent me her pretty water-proof platform shoes. unfortunately, i discovered that my feet are weaksauce and i now have two pinky-toe sized blisters on both my pinky-toes from wearing those shoes. BUT i also utilized anna's princess band aids. HA. it is unfortunate that I got snow white. she freaks me out. just a little.

I think I am avoiding school work and feeling a bit screwed for it. hence I am here.
OHWELL. Procrastination is about dealing with it TOMORROW roights? :)
I'm kidding. I was productive these days. Just didn't have the time to get to these assignments.
and now. well. i suppose I'm a bit screwed and will deal with them manana.

oh oh oh. i hear that OVT's Super Quesedilla is BACK.
they were the BEST and most WORTH IT thanggg to order!
swipes anyone?

WorldView: the 'First Globals'

Here is an interesting excerpt from something I read a few days ago.

“What are your goals?” asks C.J. Mahaney, editor of Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World (Crossway, 2008). “Do they move you forward — to financial security, more friends, successful kids, a certain position at work, learning a craft or trade? Or do they drive you upward — to obeying and glorifying God above all else?”

There’s nothing wrong with helping a young person prepare to earn a living. But there’s more to life than earning a living, even in hard economic times. That’s what Jesus meant when He said we do not live by bread alone, but by the words of God.

We cannot force our children to serve the Lord. Neither should we unwittingly push them toward worldliness and materialism with the best intentions of helping them achieve “success” as defined by the world. Rather, we should model lives of love and service — and invite our children to join us in the great task of sharing the Gospel with lost and suffering people everywhere.

There’s plenty of data indicating they’re open to the invitation.

Pollster John Zogby has renamed the so-called Millennials (18- to 29-year-old Americans) the “First Globals.” They are “the most outward-looking and accepting generation in American history,” Zogby reports. “First Globals are also the most cosmopolitan age group in America, the most international, and the one most concerned about the environment and human rights.”

By and large, they’re comfortable with the different skin colors, cultures and languages they encounter every day. A fourth of them expect to live outside America at some point in their lives.

They sound like potential missionaries to me.

If your children fall into this age group or mindset, why not show them the unprecedented opportunities they have — not just to pursue a career, but to pursue the glory of God among the nations?

It is an interesting way to put it, no? Sometimes it is hard for me to see this "acceptance" he describes, but perhaps it really is happening and I have yet to open my eyes to such a reality. shrugs. Being in Harvest for almost four years now, I seriously STILL think Harvest is this crazy church and fellowship that somehow managed to congregate a bunch of individuals who aspire to commit to full time ministry as pastors and missionaries. It is amazing, needless to say EXCOITING, to see and hear about these dense... desires and passion in such a small church! I have definitely been blessed by these individuals through conversation, their actions, their service, and the list goes on. God really used them to open my eyes to what it means to be a global Christian, what it means to shepherd, and often times the difficulties in ministry. All of this have given me all the more reason, and no excuse, to pray.

on another note.
If I ever have a family of my own, I hope I will not acquire the “Hyperactive Parent Syndrome” living out [parents'] dreams through their kids (it was mentioned in the intro of the article above). It is such an easy trap to fall into, don't you think? Scary! I seriously think it is even applicable for me now. I have a bunch of younger cousins and they've always been the baby brothers that I have to nag on, discipline, and watch over. I feel like I'm their second mom sometimes. But it's so easy to think about what they might do in the future. Would my little cousin pursue music? He's so talented! Would that little cousin be some mischievous street smart individual engineer type of person? You get the point. They're not even my kids. And they're all way young - like 8th grade, 6th grade, 5th grade, 3rd grade young - meaning looong ways to go. By God's Grace, He'll remind me who they are as individuals in Christ, not kids that have the potential to live out something I can "brag" about. ha. That must be a challenge for parents.

Yet another note. but the last one for the noights. Speaking of globalization and cultures and languages and all that good stuff, I was extremely happy to find that my Chinese professor posted a link to this: jointhewall.org! Go read for yourself if you want to find out the details. Basically it is going to be a video display wall on Chinese Americans who reside in the U.S. and the display will be organized by surnames :) HA. thank goodness I'm not a Chen, Chan, Lee, or Wong. Anyways, it will be in the American Pavilion for the Shanghai World Expo, 2010! HOW EXCOITING is THAT? I cannot wait to go! Here's my share of the wall! I guess you can't really see the details of the photo (i don't know why it's so small on blogspot) but it basically has a template and you fill in your info :) see! on the left corner ish there's my last name in Chinese! On the blue part, it also says "place of Chinese origin" which would be Hong Kong in my case, and "Place of U.S. residence", which would be Walnut, CA! pretty dang cool huh? 8]

Owneeeeed

I think i have repeatedly told this stories to various groups of people by now, but I suppose I'll reiterate to the online community.

This past Friday, two of my apartments (Nina & Gloria) and I decided to make a Costco run. There's this awesome Gelato booth outside of the entrance that everyone has been talking about - $1.5 for 3frigginSCOOPS of Gelato! Costco style. So Glo decided to get some (more so because the waffle cone had caught her eyes) and this doode finally comes out to serve her. They do their ordering, paying thing, he starts scooping and seeing that I had my Harvest sweatshirt on, he asked "Harvest huh? where is that?" I was quite surprised he didn't ask OH Harvest Crusade? because I've gotten that about three times over winter break. So I told him Solana Beach. A few seconds later he asks us "Oh so you guys are Christians?" and of course, we replied yes. Another few seconds (somehow, this all just adds up to the time span of scooping three scoops of Gelato into a waffle cone. strange) he questions, "so... Christians believe in.. Jesus right?" - yes. Yet again, another pause, and he finally asks "So who's this JESUS?"

And you just might think. WOAH. evangelistic opportunity, initiated by the other person!

needless to say. we were caught off guard, and quite surprised.
i looked around and said... "wow, that is a loaded question"
and nina asked glo if she wanted to explain. but all three of us kind of...
stupidly just stared and remained silent.
in my mind, i was thinking how the heck do we explain who Jesus is without leaving out the whole picture in the time span of 3 scoops of gelato???!!!!
seeing that we were silent. This Gelato doode suddenly flipped his hat up and says super loudly and speedy manner.
"BAAAM!!! ROMANS 1:16 FOR I AM NOT ASHAMED OF THE GOSPEL.... JESUS IS LORD OF LORDS, and KING OF KINGS!! GOTTA BE READY TO SHARE!"

OBVIOUSLY shocked. i think my jaw pretty much felt the rough surfaces of the concrete.
and we started laughing hysterically and saying OMG. WE JUST GOT OWNED.
Glo proceeded in asking him, "so you're christian too?"
and he says, "no, i just have a personal relationship with Jesus.."
-___- we later found out that he attends the Rock.
and there we were. and i had just told him that we are from Harvest in Solana Beach too.

SIGHHHH. talking about MAJOR OWNAGE. haaa.

A Suffering World.

When I meant I am back, I literally, honestly mean, I am BACK.
So here I am again, updating yet another blog post. Yay me! Two consecutive days in a row!
It is nearing 2a.m. now and I am actually extremely tired, however, burdened by the many happenings around me. Because I am so tired, you might just find me rambling inconclusively. Perhaps nothing as insightful as you may expect at this point.

one.
I am sure by now, most of you are aware of the devastating situation in Haiti.
Having been struck by a 7.0 magnitude earthquake, and countless after shocks...
Needless to say, it is looking terrible. Unimaginable number of deaths, injuries, lost of this and that.
Communication lines broken, hindering much needed relief services. And all that the people of Haiti have is a seemingly endless journey of healing and rebuilding up ahead. It is heartbreaking to look through the photos, almost surreal... but unfortunately, it cannot get any more real. Piles of bodies everywhere... and each death seems to only add to a frightening statistic. While I am encouraged to see how the world immediately came together to attempt disaster relief, I cannot help but wonder what people are thinking about this "supposed good God", as it goes with any other catastrophic event. Personally, I believe that regardless the situation, God is sovereign and still good.
But how can that be explained to an unbeliever? Yeap. one of those common looming questions.
Either way, may His Glory shine through and may He use this tragedy to bring those He has called to Himself.

two.
I have been following the "Help Free Gao Zhisheng" campaign for quite a while now. If you are unfamiliar with the situation, you can pay this site a visit. Tonight, my heart sank when I saw the subject line in my inbox "Official Says Gao Zhisheng 'Went Missing' ". What is THAT supposed to mean? Immediately, the "help free Gao Zhisheng" tag line lost the hope of what "help free" had entailed, and is now only characterized by the fearful, uncertain "act now to help Gao's family learn the truth". He is a man of God and has definitely ran the good race, perhaps in such full speed it just might have cost him his very life. Mmms, uncertainties. In our humanity - control-freakishness - uncertainties are the worst. I find myself struggling to pray for him and his family, and by that I mean I don't exactly know what to pray for sometimes. "Dear God, if he is alive yada yada yada....if he isn't... da na na na naa". you know? And would I keep praying in that fashion until I receive more updates? What if we never get to know? It isn't even just for this situation that I feel this way, how about those I am not quite acquainted with. Their salvation. there just might be a high possibility that I'll never find out! Or those I have lost contact with, maybe the family that is so dear to my heart in the Philippines, yet not even P.John knows where they have moved to. the list goes on. It almost somewhat bothers me that I can only "i don't know... but... if... then.... if not... then....", rather than being able to pray for something more specific and tangible. Is that a lack of faith, a firmer grasp onto me wanting control, or some kind of fear that I won't see any fruits of labor type of deal? I honestly do not know.

See. I told you. I really am getting nowhere with this. too tired.
Perhaps after some sleep. I will return to this and think about it some more,
with some other additions to this chain of thought that i have no energy to jot down at this point.

goodnoights world.

Hilarious.

shuttle madness.

Star 94.1 was playing on the radio today while Yvonne and I shuttled to school. In a desperate frenzy to get to school - we woke up late. again. - we barely squished onto the shuttle. but it was good entertainment all the way to school. my favorites (but they are also kind of sad):

top searches online (i suppose in regards to relationships):
female: "How do I get my boyfriend to shave?"
male: "How do I get my girlfriend to lose weight?"

Also, thanks to the shuttle driver, we accidentally discovered a chance to win exclusive tickets (cannot be purchased!!) to a MICHAEL BUBLE acoustic concert at ANTHOLOGY, San Diego! We hope we can win. The adventure will start tomorrow. Lovely voice, beautiful locale. and free. what more can you ask for?

Control.

Hey. to whoever is reading, if any at all. I AM BACK! Ahknow, once again, it has been ages since I've blogged. And again I will say, I do blog within the confines of my um. local hard drive (though even those have become rare nowadays), but last night I was inspired to blog more frequently. HOW i was inspired, you may ask? Perhaps to your dismay, nothing spiritual, nothing big or dramatic, nothing awesome, in fact, I almost feel silly and superficial for saying it. You'll understand why in just a bit.

It happened as follows:
It was probably around 12.am and I decided that I was way too bored from reading about netart, how to use notepad++ and how to code javascript, sooo i succumbed to looking at what blogs i had bookmarked in the past. I glanced over the "blogs (others)" category under my favorites. you know. the bloggers you don't personally know, but want to follow - NO. I am not a stalker :) I know it must be running through your head as you read. I am sure you guys wouldn't label a Piper-Blog-follower a stalker right? Right. Rats, I probably should not have given such a "holy" example. Well, as Guh listens to Ne-Yo while Justin listens to hymns, others follow Piper's blog while I... well. decided to go on Daniel Wu's alivenotdead site. If you do not know who Daniel Wu is (perhaps only Terry Chow would be extraaa familiar with him hahaaa), though he sounds like any average Asian guy you can pick up from the street, he is neither a friend, nor an acquaintance. In fact he does not even know that I exist. ha. This Daniel Wu guy is an American Born Chinese actor who is reasonably involved in the Hong Kong Show Biz. Oh, I advise you not to google-image him. I tried before, and some slightly crude, vulgar, scandy-candy images showed up. On a side note, he is a canto celebrity, who for some reason, after being involved in HK showbiz for quite some years now, still has yet the worst American accent EVAR. So there you go, my inspiration ran oh so deep. I was inspired to blog more often, all thanks to a Canto celebrity by the name of Daniel Wu.

But hey, if you read into some of his blogs, they are quite hilarious I must say, and I would deem them quite interesting, humorous yet to the point. I especially like his collaborative architectural project, "The Stage", which is now an installation in HK for the HK/ShenZhen Biennale of Urbanism and Architecture. You can read about their design statement from the last entry on the first page linked right up there under his big name. I particularly enjoyed his insight on acting as a career vs. being an architect (which is what he was going to pursue). Both allowed for creativity through different mediums and it is quite interesting how his intended career now became a hobby. He gets the benefit of both! It never was the plan. Funny how life pieces the puzzle together.

Here is a short documentary on the project. I love the concept behind using bamboos and LEDs. However, this structure does somehow remind me of the Bird's Nest in Beijing.

The Stage: Short Doc from Daniel Wu on Vimeo.

So anyways, I digress. After I read his post on how "having lots of money doesn't make you rich" (funny read, very true, but kind of mean on his part at times), I realized how much I let life fly by. Rarely do I take time to reflect on my day. Rarely do I take time to even process the small events that happen throughout my day, and there are so many that are extremely interesting and thought provoking! It is possible that I avoid much of this because sometimes, it just requires too much mental and emotional capacity that I rather not deal with - not necessarily a good thing. WELL, here i am - inspired, so I shall write something. Or else, I'd be writing about how i was inspired to write about NOTHING :)

Today, in my Vis141A Class - the one I was reading netart, notepad++, and javascript for, our professor introduced a guy who will be sitting in on our class for the rest of the quarter, in hopes of understanding more of the technical side of things, while scouting out volunteers from my class to help him develop his 199 independent studies project with my professor. Apparently the project is an experimental performance arts piece based off of the concept of "self help through the internet". Essentially, he would have his friends help him choose one random person over the internet (i suppose of the ones that do apply for this "position") who will dictate his course of actions for the next month and will do so by texting him the commands. Freaky, is it not? Oh, that person would also have control over his online identity as well - ie: facebook, AIM etc. Of course, there will be boundaries. He obviously would not go punch someone in the face if the dictator commands him to do so. But still, I cannot even imagine! My initial thoughts were man, what kind of FUNDED project is this? then came, what is the point? this is SO absurd! However, I later find out the undeniably personal aspect to this concept. He explained how he was failing all of his classes last quarter, and wanted to play on the "asking for help online" idea in this particular project. My heart kind of sank when I heard that. Self help books, in my opinion, are stupid. Having some other human being control your life FOREAL, is even worse! scary and also kind of. i don't know ): it is so sad! What if mr. mrs. dictator is a jerk? Perhaps I should apply and make him read the Bible :) hope & cure for the SOUL are there, not in self help books or in google search, or in another person for the matter. What more would he be than a robot, or some kind of puppet? In the end, what is it all? Superficial, temporary happiness and satisfaction? I am glad that my life is not in the hands of another person, technology, or even in my own hands, but in God's. What an awesome reality to live in, to know that God - the Creator, the loving Father, the Sovereign, Gracious & Merciful - is the one who dictates my life. I can trust Him. I have His promises to cling to. I have the hope of the Gospel. It is a reality I constantly need to remind myself of because so often, I find myself worrying and stressing about the future. I was very blessed by CJ's sermon on The Troubled Soul (Psalm 42). It did much for my soul and in times of discouragement and frustration, God put things back into perspective.

"The Psalmist may have felt abandoned by God, but the Savior was forsaken by God. The Psalmist's soul may have felt downcast and troubled, but the Savior's was crushed. The Savior's soul was uniquely troubled and tormented so that the soul of sinners like us would know freedom from the fear of eternal torment in hell. He was forsaken so that we might never be forsaken"

Spurgeon also encourages us to "cash the banknote of Divine Promise"!
in Psalm 42, the Psalmist says "Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him".
what hope we have in the midst of a troubled soul.
The future may be unclear, but slowly I am learning to entrust it into God's hands.
In the beginning of the post, I mentioned that it was funny how life pieces the puzzle together.
Well, there is nothing really funny about that because God is a sovereign God :) and for that.
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!" - Phil 4:4

This is getting quite long. again.
Perhaps my blogs will become shorter if i post more frequently.

I shall leave you with a very cute song.
I did not notice how cute it was until i listened to the lyrics carefully!
This is from his very first album, over a decade ago :)
i believe I was still in elementary school back then! ROFL.



So you think you haven't seen WLH 王力宏 in my statuses, profiles etc. for a while?
And you may comment, "you're STILL in the WLH 王力宏 PHASE????"
let me clarify things for you so there is no further misconception.
there is no phase. I am way past the phase.
because he is permanently in van's book of most admired, talented, favorites :)
never going away! heeehe.

here's the translation for those of you who do not understand.
you have to read all of it. it's not as shady and bad as it sounds :)

You care less on how jealous I am,
you also ignore my protests
He is your constant subject of conversation
I suffer in abundant grief because of him,

you can be as late as you want
whether your mood is rain or shine, it doesn't matter
is that enough to exchange more of your time
so we can have some alone time

anyone would want their lover's entire heart
don't say I am childish
if there is someone playing the piano crazily outside your door another day,
don't doubt. it has to be me.

i don't fear going against stronger love rivals,
they must defeat me before they can steal you away
but when it comes to Ludwig Beethoven
all I can do is shake my head and sigh.

你不管我有多妒忌　也不管我怎麼抗議
他永遠是你說不膩的話題　你讓我為他受盡委屈

愛遲到多久都可以　你陰晴不定沒關係
夠不夠交換你多留點時間　讓我們兩人單獨一起

誰都想擁有情人完整的心　別說我太孩子氣
改天你家門口有人瘋狂彈琴　一定是我別懷疑

我不怕跟再強的情敵試著比一比　打敗我才能搶走你
碰上了LUDWIG BEETHOVEN　卻只能搖頭嘆氣

the end! :)

煩惱到受不了

幾年中，我終于等到我逃避了極久的時刻了- ICAM Senior Project. 這是完成我主修的最後衝刺，也是我最怕，最沒有頭緒的一門課（還要span two quarters, 死定了）。其實，不只是要想project那麽簡單，因爲一開始想的時候，一大堆未知數都牽連在一起往我而沖。我漸漸發覺我對這個係並沒有特別大的興趣。這也未免遲了一點吧？ 也不算是沒興趣，但我想象不到自己在以下的日子裏做這些酷，但又沒什麽用的edgy, front-line art projects. 或許，有一些的是視在人爲的，可是我真的想像不到花一輩子的時間來做這些事。

也許我想的太完美了。
也許我沒有我想象中那麽堅決。
又或許我是個面對困難會退縮的人。

一直以來，我覺得那些“缺點”，我通通都不是，可是我現在卻懷疑我是否一個意志力很強的女生 – 我喜歡設計，但學軟體的時候就好像失去了一些興趣因爲在自學的情況下覺得太難。可是反過來，在其他事上，我通常是堅持到底的一個人。就算其他人都要放棄，我還是會繼續奮鬥下去。因此，我到現在還是搞不清楚我是沒興趣還是真的臨陣退縮那樣子。

恕我又reference我最愛的音樂家。我真的很羡慕王力宏這樣的人。他對音樂的熱愛給了他一個無可否定的將來。他把我一生想做的事都做出來了。我不是想當歌星或作藝人，但我真的想在這一生中為神做他賜我天分的事。如果是graphic design 那我會用賺到的錢來幫助有需要的人跟事，或者用我的設計來表達一些在我心上的信息。這一些王力宏都做到了。可是我知道他成功的背後付出了很多奮鬥跟努力， 經歷了很多我根本想象不到的寂寞。他出道十幾年到現在才真的得到爸爸的認同， 有時候因怪點子多，所以作品沒一些其他歌手的作品受歡迎，但他從來沒有向那些外界的壓迫低頭，遷就，反而繼續做他覺得對的事。他不但不創作“fluffy pop” ， 還透過他的歌，行動，跟他賺到的錢，正面的去影響亞洲的青少年，還不擺架子的， 很真誠的去幫助有需要的人。也許這些都是令我喜歡他的因素吧（不但讓我當abc的感覺很舒服，很驕傲，很有歸宿感，還作出我一直在想的事）。這些正是我想做的。一直以來，在學校的project我都做不出那些 ”fluffy art”。 這一次那麽龐大的project我都很努力去想一個對我有意思的構思。 技術方面對我很困難，所以如果沒有了那個passion，我根本一點都做不出來。可是到這個地步我真的有些灰心，因爲怎樣想我都想不出來。我真的開始懷疑自己有沒有這方面的天分了。

對於人生要走的路，
我感覺實在太迷茫了。
成就來得不容易。
成功的背後都是常被人忽略的奮鬥跟努力。
可是如果沒有那種熱情，哪來奮鬥的推動力呢？
誰來教教我。

神阿，我真的需要你的指引。
無論是逼迫在眼前的project,
或是將來的calling, 請你帶領我。
我真的不知道該怎麽辦。

現在只感到無奈。

在這一些以外，我還有其他的煩惱。對於人際關係我真的有點累跟disappointed. 可是哥提醒了我要記得我已經擁有的美好。Jon Szeto 上星期天也說對了。Contentment 真的很難學吔。而且每次我覺得自己是受害者的時候，神都會用不同的方法來提醒我的糟糕。

其實這是在 Christmas break 的時候寫下來的，只是當時沒有post而已。回頭看，真有點 emo 吔.