Pushups for the win. sort of. not really.

"The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.
For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust."
- Psalm 103:8-14

I was reminded of what Rand Cho preached about at Gospel Night a few weeks ago. In comparison to all that is written in this particular psalm, I find myself living the opposite. I am quick to anger, and definitely not abounding in lovingkindness. What happened today magnifies my sinful self. It was a humbling experience to reflect on Jesus the great High Priest. How much more injustice and misunderstanding did he bear? No words can describe. As TiffChu said, even "crap" would be an understatement to the extent of dejection and loneliness Jesus must have felt. It is not even the mere doings of the people of His days, but in our doubt, in our desire to be kings of our little kingdoms, and in our lack of faith, we ultimately question and mock Christ's character. I was angry because i felt judged unjustly.. by a vis arts professor who does not even know me personally. It is a pathateic comparison and pales to what I do to God.

When I felt judged and ridiculed for my character by my vis professor, especially when most of it was not true, i was so quick to anger. It happened more than once and so past anger fueled the rage I experienced today. Had I spoken anything that was going on inside my head out loud, it would have not been pretty or edifying. at all. The only time i remember such anger (with things related to academics) was when I was accused of cheating in english my junior year of high school. I almost broke a pencil (i guess if triggered, my inner rage is no good). Today, I had my walk from office hours to the shuttle stop, the shuttle ride to ralphs, and the walk from ralphs to home, to calm down. I was angry to the point of tears and resorted to 10 pushups and a nap - which were beneficial. During my walk home, God continuously convicted of my impure thoughts and turned my eyes to Jesus the Great High Priest, just as Chris Wu preached at FNF. Nonetheless, it still took me a while to overcome my emotions.

Even now, I get angry thinking about it, but at a lesser extent. Please pray for a forgiving and loving heart, a gentle spirit, and an attitude that mirrors Christ's attitude so that I may be a light to those around me - esp because i have two more times to see the prof in this stressful, easy-to-loose-patience two weeks.

Pieface, I don't know where you MIAed to, but thank you once again, for hearing me out and being the more rational side of me. Apologies to you for getting the worst of me for these, wow, 6 years? I must admit, sometimes I just want the affirming uh huhs and awws, but I appreciate your gracious correction in putting things into perspective even though i don't always want to hear it. Some of it was not easy to take in, and initially all i felt was dissapointment and frustration at your seeming lack of compassion and understsanding. but, I know you spoke those words out of genuine care and encouragement. Thankee for being there, for sharing, and bearing with me.

likewise, thankee for putting things into persepctive TiffChu.
"but we must remember trials are the norm, not the exception"
so true. and i appreciate the reminder. woohoo for words of wisdom.

all in all. in thinking how unfair i was treated,
and how wrong it may have been for my professor to say the things she did to me.
and even though i felt like the complete victim.
I still got rocked. by God. haha. humbling experience.

one day to finish my vis145b proj. eeps.

Praises.
- Got AIP internship for graphic design! -- Grace like rain.
- much laughter with Jon and Daniel in our deliriousness while attempting to do cogs102b.
- my apartment. and their sillyness.
- my bed. washikea. and blankies.
- Bible.

goodnoights all.

He will my shield and portion be. As long as life endures

The New Children's Museum, downtown SD

Beautiful Lord, wonderful saviour
I know for sure, all of my days are held in Your hands
Crafted into Your perfect plan

You gently call me, into Your presence
Guiding me by, Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord
To live all of my life through Your eyes

I'm captured by, Your Holy calling
Set me apart
I know You're drawing me to Yourself
Lead me Lord I pray

Take me, Mold me
Use me, Fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hands
Hold me, Guide me
Lead me, Walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

Much has happened since the last time I blogged.

From getting a vehicle violation,
"your license number was recorded"
in the Ralph's parking lot...

): sad. haha. now i am paranoid even if i am
parking at Ralphs. not for school purposes.

to experiencing one of the most heart-felt, warm,
makes-me-want-to-throw-up-rainbows-and-lucky-charms
fcbcW 06 reunion at the ever amazing Chris Tomlin concert...
trust me. i will DEFINITELY blog much more on this
when spring break rolls around. (and the long due aj rafael concert!)

i love this class. a lot. :)

and on and on it goes...
i would love to elaborate more,
but as finals approach,
(well they start for me. now)
the dear projects are beckoning me. horrah.

Nonetheless, God has been extremely faithful.
and Gracious. might I add.
My initial death-of-me tenth week,
is now balanced between tenth and finals week.
so i suppose finals week is not going to be so chill after all.
but. thaaaaas aiteeee.
It is still and going to be pretty dang busy.
but. had my deadlines not been moved,
i think i would not be able to complete everything
EVEN if i do not sleep. that would not be pretty.
so. seriously. praise God for being so gracious.
and always providing so abundantly.
I realized. how my perspective.
has shrunken pathetically to the size of
my little kingdom. rather than the glories of
His INFINITELY LARGERRR one.
(read a Quest for More by Paul David Tripp!)
Business became my excuse.
and i claimed all the time and energy for myself.
time and energy that do not even belong to me.

food for thought.
are you being a good steward of GOD'S TIME?
are you patting yourself on the back for being productive and not wasting YOUR time?
or are you content in your productivity knowing that you have not wasted GOD'S TIME?

Father, the things of this world pale compared to your Glory.
help me see, and live for the Greater, and the more transcendent.
Turn my eyes, and renew my heart with the Gospel each and every day.
Allow me to exclaim joyfully every morning,
"this is the day that the Lord has made.
Let us rejoice and be glad in it."

i apologize. my thoughts are not quite coherent.
and i don't even know what the point of this entry is.
i shall return to my studies now.
and i leave you with a verse.
that inspired the song, Everlasting God.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the Lord, the
Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary."

Isaiah 40:28-31.

Grace alone,
- vans.

Favorite.

One of my favorite things to see while walking to and from the shuttle stop near Ralphs,
and one of the most heart warming things you'll ever see,
is old couples taking a stroll together, or shopping together, hand in hand.
super cute. right? ahknow.

i get the same warm fuzzy feeling every time i see the picture on the left.

Cagayan De Oro, Philippines (summer 08)
i miss the philippines a lot.

sleeping early tonoights! yeeeee!

Grace like rain.

In my delirous.ness, hopefully something inspiring or encouraging will come out of my fried brain. if God really wants you to be encouraged. i'm sure He'll gimme something more to say than giberrish. you all know what happens when i'm delirious. things like:

rolling (startig from 1:28 or so too bad there's two languages goin on) on the floor in a retarded manner while reciting "go! go! go!" with my hands in the shape of a gun. in my room. on the carpet. with anna watching.
or being lions at like 2 3am.
don't juge. they are. fun in their own ways.

Anyways, before i die in front of my compter from tiredness.
I would like to say that this week was the most insane "finals week" of all "finals week" i felt this past quarter.
However, God's Grace is sufficient and abundant.
In times of discouragement, in times of distress, in times of. oh ionno. wanting to give up....
God always sovereignly shows me His faithfulness through His Word and through people He has placed in my life.

"Surely my soul remembers
And is bowed down within me.
This I recall to my mind,
Threfore i have hope.
Th Lord's lovingkindness indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
The Lord is my portion," says my soul,
"Therefore I have hope in Him."
- Lamentations 3:20-24

it is green. because green makes me think of life !!!

As "common" and "known" as these verses are: phil 4:6-7, Matt 11:28-30, Psalm 18:24 etc. I think I have neglected them and completely failed at abiding in them - they are such sweet, sweet promises, and verses that remind us to hold joyful attitudes. Yet, I turned to self-sufficiency, when really, even in the area of academics, it is SO NOT me. As Justin mentioned last week at FNF, Jesus is the Bread of Life. Do I really know my need? He gave us an example from one-i-don't-know-or-remember-who-Godly-man, how he dedicated 3hrs of prayer to the Lord instead of 2 BECAUSE he KNEW how much he needed God on that particular busy day. Many times, more school = less God. However some random ilustration popped up in my head that helped me understand this more...
I should be desiring and yearning for God, especially in those times that I am busy and overwhelmed, as much as I think I need more food and sleep. It is so easy to think dang i need more food to compensate for my lack of sleep, or fureak i should spend more time sleeping so i have energy the next day, but why not SHOOOT i needa spend more time with God today because i am SOO gonna fail without Him! ponder upon that. (: it was very convicting.

On another note, I am sad that i missed the much-anticipated-hanley-visit in harvest today ): i have been looking foward to it all week.
darn cogs87a project. Daniel and I were stuck in the DUN.dun.dun.GEON (i know. it has been SO LONG since i've used this term) from 12-12 basically. it was sad times. But by the end, it as like we friggin finished a program. and had no way of expressing ourselves except to laugh hysterically and say. "i don't even know what to say". Praise God that the due date was tonight, and not this past wed. I think we would've died. AND not finish. at least we are semi alive (not really) now, and finished it a good 25min beforehand (: ha.

Yeap. zee week was LOCO mahn! Many projects due and to work on and many unfortunate, unexpected academic things came up, but SERIOUSLY by God's GRACE, everything turned out foine. my projects all turned out well. and i feel much relieved. at least for tonoights.
these projects have caused me great pain and unhealthiness.
i don't sleep. or eat well (I KNOW. that is a biggie since i usually compensate my lack of sleep with good, balanced diets).
tiff chu commented on how i looked diff after not seeing me for two weeks.
and asked, "DID YOUR FACE get SKINNIER??" frightening. ahknow. ):

Anyways, two other things I learned & was deeply encouraged by:

1. "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own interests, but also for the interests of others" - Phil 2:3-4
   A verse in which i have not seen applied so consistently and with so much joy and willingness until I went to the Philippines. it has resurfaced as I experienced the bunches of grace & generosity from others these few weeks. I have been convicted of my unwillingness to spend time on others in the midst of my "busy schedule" as I much rather spend it on my school work and slip in some food and sleep along the way. However, seeing how generous two particular individuals were with their time in helping me, or my group, with things they really have no obligation to, has been a huge blessing and encouragement to my heart. so Thank you, Lynn & JonChen :) you guys have indirecly taught me much. if there are words to express what i am thinking & feeling inside... it would not come out as lame & plain as this.
2. "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us cosider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling tgether, as is the habit of some, but encouragingone another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near." - Hebrews 10:23-25
   I also have been tremendously blessed by those who spurred me on through their words, actions, prayers, and er. don't know how to phrase it in a single word, but those who always pointed me back to God - whether it be about joy, faith, patience, dependence, God's Glory, sovereignty, strength, and the list goes on... but truly, thank you. Despite my tiredness, and lack of outward expresion of gratitude, from the bottom of my heart - THANK YOU. again. sometimes, I don't know how to put things into words and express them because the feeling inside of me is 100x greater than what it actually sounds like.

I think my roberto's california burrito has digested a bit by now.
speaking of food. and speaking of beef (inside the burrito)...
team STEK is awesome. (: not only is everyone responsibe, but everyone's dang funny.
i am so thankful for this opportunity to get to know several non-harvesters...
If i don't see them 3x a week + group proj hours...
then i see them every day + many group hours....
it is pretty awesome. despite the ridiculous amt of hours put into these cogs classes...
we really do have our fun along the way. and i enjoy it a lot. THANKS GUYYS & GIRL..!

alrightay. seriously. my burrito has digested by now.
I can shower and sleep in peace.
YAY. time to SLEEP IN TOMORROW! (:
so excooited for the much needed physical rest
in which i have anticipated for... all quarter!!! YIKES 8]

and i shall leave you with this:
"Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary."
- Isaiah 40:28-31

God bless (:

-Vans

"Tired & Uninspired" - My American Heart

Tired. That, I really am. However, I cannot say that I am uninspired, or else why blog right? Regardless, I do loikes the song up above (: and will be seeing My American Heart perform at Porter's Pub on Feb10 - FREE on campus! why not? Two of the band members, Jesse Barrera and Larry Soliman are going to be there. They performed with AJ Rafael couple fridays ago at ocean java coffee house in National City - DON'T WORRY. I WILL DEFINITELY blog about that, HA! ANYWAYS.

on Jan 10, I took some time off from zee busy schedule and spent some time by myself (tho i still need some more of those) next to my house.. in the dog park... here is a small excerpt of some thoughts i jotted down:

"So I couldn't really find a place to go to, thinking it would be cold today (according to the weather), but turns out warm and sunny, and I ended up here in the, ha, dog park. No driving needed, no $ spent on drinks, and accompanied by a breeze and the sweet relaxing sound of children's laughter. Oh, not to mention my thermal, my PINK thermal might I emphasize. haha. new things every day.

The short stroll over to the park was nice. Not very often do i take the time to slow down, and take a look around. One would think that life can't get any slower in San Diego, but when your heart is anxious, when schoool gets crazy, and when serving others, or ministry becomes duty and obligation, life can just get as hectic and busy as HK or NYC... or jack bauer's life....er. ok bad illustration but that was the first thing that came to my mind. I guess the "on-call" checklist day pretty much sums up my past quarter, winter brek even, and this first week of the oh-so-anticipated winter quarter. (ha. hear the sarcasim in that?) So much has hapened. I am almost afraid to dig out my brain in fear of all the white hair that may start sprouting from my head at the "old age" of 21. Well, anyways, you gotta do what you gotta do right? "

This photo to the left is one of the many I took while enjoying God's creation in which i paid minimal attention to the past few weeks.

Anyways. Obviously, there are much more thoughts put into whatever I journaled about there on after, but I enjoy reading that excerpt. It sounds so relaxing.

Maybe I will travel back in time a bit. Seriously, with one hard blink of an eye, FQ 08, Christmas break, and New Years passed by just like that. There is a ridiculous amount of thigs to eflect upon. So much has happend, but everything is jumbled in my mind. Time to myself the past quarter, and especially during break, has been minimal. With that, I think it really took a toll on me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Stretched thin in terms of handling and dealing with responsibilities, burdens etc. internally. In turn, I also realized how little I depended on God, and how much I relied on myself to resolve my problems - which is OBVIOUSLY a fail. Now, we are about to step into fourth week of WQ already and my friend and I have been feeling tenth week for the past few weeks. I definitely did not enter WQ with much enthusiasm, or feeling refreshed. But I will talk about that more later. Some man once said something along the lines of this, "My day is SO BUSY, i have SO MUH stuff to do, that this day, I need to pray 3hrs, and not 2." like Justin said today at FNF, the man knew what he needed. ponder upon that (:

a blessing i would like to mention is New Year's eve. It was the first time (ok maybe second) that I did not count down with my family alogside Jade Channel 228 - yes the cantonese channel. But that is not really the main point, although it was quite zeee excooitement for me. :P counting down at the wong's house with like a gajillion other fcbcWalnuters was a sweet, sweet feeling of.. oh i don't know. family? familiarity? But surely it reminded me of this experience:

This was FCBCW youth winter retreat 05. It was my senior year of high school and we had the opportunity to spend new year's eve counting down on some mountain (excuse my bad memory) and worshiping together as one big happy family - to lots and lots of chris tomlin music and hymns haha. it was THE year the members of fcbcw class of 06 each brought a bottle of apple cider up to celebrate (: it was GUREAT. It has already been three years and I am extremely blessed and encouraged to see how far this class has gone, how everyone has grown, and how God has graciously granted us the opportunities to gather as a class each break. Seeing so, so many of my peers step up in ministry has been MIND BLOWING i tell ya. I see them at youth retreats counseling the youngsters. I see them serving in junior high and high school as full time counselors - commuting every weekend just to minister to these kids... and many more. Lookin at this, seriously, can you deny God's work? shoooot. I LOVE YOU ALL (: see you guys at the 2009 Chris Tomlin concert!

Progressive Dinner is tomorrow (rather. TODAY)! i was going to go home for chinese new years. but the seniors. i must admit. are SO WORTH it (:

some songs I really, REALLY like:

she was mine _ aj rafael & jesse barrera

showstopper _ aj rafael
something special _ usher

the glories of calvary _ sovereign grace music

only in the cross _ sovereign grace music

until next time,

"This is the day which the Lord has made;

Let us rejoice and be glad in it."

- Psalm 118:24

Team s.t.ë.k.

Last noights felt like tenth week or something ridiculous like that. I broke my own record, sleeping at 4am during the second week of school due to. well. obviously. homework. However, I once again woke up to a danceable, heel-clickable, sunny day :) and what made it even better, seriously only by the Grace of God, the website we are supposed to design for (which I was working oh.too.intently on all day yesterday) is now due on monday! THANK YOU GOD.

and what does this have to do with team stëk? nothing. really.
but. aside from grasping your attention (at least i hope it did)
i would like to mention how ridiculously awesome this team name is.
this is how Jon, Francis, Daniel, and I came up with it for cogs102B.

Thought Process (cut down to the most important parts):

1. How about animals?
   Turtles? I like turtles.
2. How about a classy name?
   CLASSY TURTLES! kill two birds with one stone!
   "and now, here are the classy turtles...." errrr. no.
3. What about an accronym?
   like. "sick" studies of ethnographic cultures...
   isn't that sec (pronounced as seck. not sick)
4. head scratcher for the longest time. while one. namely jon
   was still stuck on his classy turtles hahahhha.
5. HOW ABOUT TATER TOTS?
   ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. no.
6. hey. how about steak?
   you know. it's like a classy type of food.
7. OH! and it can stand for "Studies of The Ethnographic Cognition".
8. isn't that stek... "steck"...
9. HEY how about those german things
   or some accent. that can change the pronounciation.
10. and here we have "Team s.t.ë.k."
    it encompasses the essence of. everything.
    we got the creativity. the not-so-seriousness.
    the closet nerd behind it all with the accronym.
    AND. it is internationally sound. what more can you ask for? 8]

by the way. you read it as steak. but with a low german voice. so team is high pitched and stek is low.

Days like these.

Even carrying a bulky bag of. shtuff. and walking home for a good ten, fifteen minutes from the shuttle stop cannot hinder my urge to do a lil jig (not that i know how to do one), or get some heel clickin' action going on, because the warm, sunny, slightly breezy SAN DIEGO weather is back! :) the past month has been butt-freezing. that is, by California standards of course. But i am finally able to wear just a tshirt, a pair of jeans and good ol pair of flip flops to school without shriveling up into a ball (or dressing bummy). When the world is not watching, I would also like to skip down the road and sing along to aj rafael's ever so cute song, "When the Sun Sets on Hawaii" - mmhmmm. San Diego wil do i suppose. It still has the sun and the beaches and a very clear, smog-free sky.



"Light is sown like seed for the righteous
and gladness for the upright in heart.
Be glad in the Lord, you righteous ones,
And give thanks to is holy name."
- Psalm 98:11-12

and hopefully. i will continue to learn
the meaning and beauty of joy.
that i may feel like doing a lil jig, heel click,
and dance around despite gloomy weather & circumstances
knowing that i have something bigger, and much better to rejoice in.